The potential of holistic change

What would it take for me to change?

What do I want to have?

What am I running away from?

I ask myself these questions constantly. Whenever I feel like a victim of my circumstances, when the days are too short and the nights restless. This world gets crazier every day and I am slowly running out of breath. Maybe you feel the same sometimes?

So I allow myself the fun of reinventing myself. Out of fear, out of curiosity, and to hold better cards in a new world.

I hope these insights are worth your time.

The development of our society is almost exponential.

As connectivity increases, so does our collective performance.

The whole is more than the sum of its parts.

Aristotle

For the individual, however, this means having to achieve more and more. The idea of becoming part of this high-performance society generally feels threatening.

That is because our previous behaviour and thinking no longer fit the current circumstances. Our society understands performance as effort that has to be endured. This error in thinking creates so much dissatisfaction where there should actually be joy.

Performance is equal to living – and therefore one of the reasons we exist at all.

So it is not only possible to adapt to this change. Rather, the adaptation itself is the path to more joy in life.

I, too, can develop exponentially!

In fact, according to the very same principle.

It seems that individual parts of our personality are hard to change. If I only change one area of my personality, the remaining areas act like walls – much like the traditions of our society. Certain areas would rather hold on to the old than be carried along.

Under these circumstances, achieving lasting change takes a lot of energy, all the time. But what if this change happens in all areas of my personality at once? Then all areas support each other. Holistic change means using this phenomenon to your advantage.

A holistic approach reduces the resistance between the individual areas themselves.

On the way to changing yourself, expect resistance. Resistance as strong as you are. Because that resistance is you.

It is human that we don’t do everything we set out to do. How strong this phenomenon is, however, is up to us.

When all areas of our personality are in harmony, we can close this gap. It then becomes easier to actually put our plans into action.

Our personality essentially consists of four core areas: our beliefs, our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. All of these areas are connected.

When I start to think that I am brave, I will act accordingly. Soon after, I experience how good this change is for my life. Having experienced it myself, I begin to believe in its positive effect. The more areas of my personality harmonise in this way, the better.

Believing: I believe I am brave → I think bravely.
Thinking: I think bravely → I feel brave.
Feeling: I feel brave → I act bravely.
Acting: I act bravely → I believe I am brave.

Changing your personality in three steps

Step 1 – active self-reflection

Only when I recognise myself can I change myself.

I have to start observing myself in all areas of my personality.

It helps me to keep asking myself:

• What do I believe? (About myself, my abilities, my environment, …)
• How do I think? (Actively, reactively, as a victim or as an agent, optimistically, benevolently, …)
• How do I feel? (Anxious, threatened, envious, dependent, …)
• How do I act? (Benevolently, suspiciously, confidently, doubtfully, …)

Meditation and meditative exercises are extremely important for understanding ourselves. In its basic form, meditation is simple self-observation.

Because what I cannot see, I cannot influence. But once I become aware of my behaviour, it is hard not to improve it.

A deeper look at this topic in my essay on self-control – A clear path to more self-control

Step 2 – understanding the connections

How are these areas connected?

The second step is very simple, but not easy.

I have to actively observe how the different areas of my personality influence each other.

How do my beliefs, thoughts, feelings and actions influence each other?

Recognising the interplay of these areas feels fantastic. It helps me understand myself and the people around me better. And I can use this knowledge to develop more consciously.

Step 3 – holistic activation (active/passive)

Active influence

Active means I start consciously implementing new behaviours and ways of thinking.

I am and become what I believe and think. If I choose my thoughts myself and consciously, I can also decide who I become.

Autosuggestive techniques are particularly effective for changing the way we think. They allow us to actively influence our own thinking and feeling. Our body cannot distinguish self-created emotions from natural ones. This fact is essential, because our mind listens to our body and vice versa.

There are many autosuggestive techniques. I will only cover affirmation and visualisation, as these are the ones I have the most experience with.

With affirmations we can create thought patterns artificially.

Every morning I ask myself the following questions and answer them as emotionally and presently as possible:

• Who do I want to be? (Brave, strong-willed, influential, attractive, …)
• How do I want to feel? (Light-hearted, balanced, energetic, …)
• How do I become this person? (Learning, acting more bravely, quitting, getting up earlier, running, taking initiative, …)
• What is my goal? (A happy family, a leadership position, a carefree life, …)
• How do I reach my goal? (By becoming strong-willed and learning more; by leading and taking initiative, …)

Formulating these answers and saying them out loud has a direct effect on my personality.

A deeper explanation in my essay on affirmation – Use the power of affirmation

With visualisations we can synchronise thoughts and feelings.

In visualisation, I mentally place myself in the future I hope for. I repeatedly play through the moments of my future success in my mind. After a few days of practice, it becomes possible to feel this future in your body during the visualisation.

I have to be there so intensely in my mind that I can feel in my body what this future feels like. My subconscious takes these feelings as real and adjusts its behaviour accordingly. The best explanation of this technique I have come across so far is by Dr. Joe Dispenza.

Your mind is either a reflection of your past or a map of your future.

Dr. Joe Dispenza

Passive influence

I may be a product of my environment, but once I understand this influence, I can use everything around me to my advantage.

Passive influence means consciously changing my environment in my favour.

The people I surround myself with have a big influence on who I am.

That is why it is important to choose your friends and colleagues wisely – and yourself, if possible. As much as ambitious friends can pull me along, an unmotivated environment can slow me down just as much.

This doesn’t necessarily mean I have to start looking for new friends – even if it is sometimes best to remove certain people from your life.

Fortunately, there are other ways to create a positive environment.

Education instead of entertainment

My environment also consists of the books I read, the podcasts I listen to and the mass of digital content I consume every day.

So I adjust my consumption of information accordingly and start consuming useful information on purpose. An audiobook I listen to every day, for example, is like a long conversation with a very wise and present friend.

Switching from entertaining to educational content is as easy as it is valuable – especially since almost all content is entertaining these days.

When I understand and use both active and passive influences, I can decide who I want to be.

More on environment and surroundings in this essay – Why we are often not ourselves

Have fun setting your goals!

I find it fascinating how my goals are no longer big enough halfway there. Through the progress made so far, I can already see that I can achieve more than I first imagined. Knowing this in advance helps to accept challenges that seem too big right now.

We generally trust our future selves far too rarely.

I don’t have to be able to reach my future goal now.
My future self should be able to.

Thank you for reading this far. Thank you for your time and attention.